what you say in your silence

Years ago I was working as a recipient rights adviser. One of the parts of my training was to watch a video about a guy who used to interrogate people for the Jewish Army. He said that one of the most powerful tools is to have someone write down what they did around the time you are questioning them about, and then listen and look for what they don't say. I'll never forget his example, regarding Magic Johnson and his contracting HIV, "Magic Johnson said he wasn't gay, he never said he wasn't bisexual." I have always remembered that and try to use it in my work and even personal life. Truly people will tell you everything in what they don't say. Personally, it took me years to stop saying too much. I have finally learned to be more quiet and listen.

Now here is another email from you, and you ask me how am I, what is going on in my life. About every 6 months or so you do this to me. Each time I spill my heart and guts to you, because you have had that hold on me for years now. Then I ask you about your life, because I genuinely want to know and also because I think I know the answer. But you never respond to my question. There is either only silence or you ask something more about my life. You don't say what is happening with you, who you are with, if you are married with children, or alone. What is the purpose of your emails and texts? Are you checking to see if I'm waiting for you? Well I'm not, and I didn't. Does that bother you? Probably not. I think you wonder what would have happened if we had tried. But you had your chance. You told me you felt the same as I did for you, but that was a lie, you never said you loved me.

I won't answer your emails or texts anymore.